7 Things You Say That Reveal You’re a Poor Listener
Listening well is a skill that can transform your relationships and improve your understanding of the world. But let’s face it, not everyone is good at it. Sometimes, without even realizing it, the things you say can signal to others that you’re not really listening. So, what are these giveaway signs? Here’s a rundown of seven common phrases that might reveal more about your listening skills than you’d think.
1. “I already know that”
When you say this, you might think you’re just speeding up the conversation or showing your knowledge. However, what you’re actually doing is cutting the other person off and dismissing their effort to share something with you. It can feel dismissive and can shut down the dialogue, which is not what you want, right?
2. “No, that’s not right”
Challenging inaccuracies is one thing, but immediately dismissing another person’s viewpoint can close off the conversation. It might show that you’re more interested in being right than understanding their perspective. A good listener tries to understand where the other person is coming from before debating their points.
3. “You should have done it this way”
Offering unsolicited advice is a common pitfall. It suggests that you’re not listening to understand but listening to solve or correct. Sometimes, people just want to be heard and not given a solution right away—especially not before you’ve fully grasped what they’re expressing.
4. “That reminds me of the time when…”
While it’s natural to want to relate through personal stories, hijacking the conversation with your own experiences can make the other person feel unheard. This often happens without bad intentions, but try to keep the focus on the speaker. You can share your similar experience later.
5. “Let me just say one thing”
Interruptions are a clear sign of poor listening. If you find yourself frequently interjecting to make a point before the other person has finished speaking, you might be prioritizing your message over understanding theirs.
6. “That’s exactly like what happened to someone I know”
Again, this can be a way to relate, but it risks shifting the focus from the speaker’s experience to someone else’s. It’s important to keep the original speaker at the center of the conversation. Acknowledge their feelings and stories before bringing in external examples.
7. “Sorry, what did you say?”
Frequently needing things to be repeated can indicate that your mind is elsewhere. It happens to everyone now and then, especially if you’re tired or distracted. But if it’s a common occurrence, it might be time to look at how engaged you truly are in conversations.
Listening is an art that requires mindfulness and genuine interest in others. By avoiding these phrases, or at least recognizing when you use them, you can improve your listening skills significantly.
FAQs About Listening
1. Why do people struggle with listening?
People often struggle with listening because they are distracted, preoccupied with their own thoughts, or feel the urge to speak and share their views instead of focusing on the speaker.
2. How can you become a better listener?
Becoming a better listener involves being present in the moment, keeping an open mind, and showing empathy. Allow the speaker to express themselves entirely before you respond.
3. What are the benefits of good listening?
Good listening can lead to deeper relationships, better understanding, and increased cooperation. It can also enhance your learning and increase others’ willingness to listen to you in return.
